Sunday, September 26, 2010

Honey Bucket...what a lie.

I can’t believe I am starting my blog up again with a post about port-o-pots. I can’t help it. I live near a bunch of berry fields sprinkled with bright blue pot-o-pots. Everywhere I look I see them, and as they say, “in sight, in mind” or is it, “out of sight, out of mind,” either way.

I hate port-o-pots just as much as the next person, but sometimes I also kind of love them. This is honestly a love- hate (mostly hate) relationship and here’s why:

Hate reason #1: They always smell like rotting colon. Even the blue disinfectant seems to amplify the stench.

Hate reason #2: People always forget to move the little slider on the door to ‘occupied’ when they are ‘occupying them’ and I always seem to be the idiot who opens the door on these unsuspecting people. What I hate the most, though, is that I immediately apologize to them every time, taking total responsibility for their lack of attention to detail.

Hate reason #3: I was the victim of a terrible port-o-pot prank at the emotionally-tender age of 13. Sorry, I can’t go into detail…doctor’s orders.

Hate reason #4: I suffer from a mild case of claustrophobia (probably due to hate reason #3), and if you haven’t noticed, one can barely turn around inside the standard-sized port-o-pot.

Hate reason #5: Flies.

Hate reason #6: The stuff that comes out of people is gross and, try as I might to avoid looking directly into “the pot”, I can’t resist a quick glance, sometimes even a gaze! I don’t know why I do this, but I think it may be due to an irrational fear that if I don’t, something or someone might grab me from out of the poopy-blue murk below and pull me in or (and this is gross) jump straight into my butt hole.

With those reasons being said, I also love the port-o-pot, but for only one reason and one reason alone: because when you gotta go, you gotta go! And, the urgency of this fact can easily negate any and all hate reasons to not use it… plain and simple.

A little advice to my fellow female runners out there: If you avoid fun runs, races, and other activities where port-o-pots are the only facilities available, look for “all girl” events (no offense, boys). I ran in the You Go Girl 10K today and even at the end of the race the port-o-pots were impressively clean.

A question: Are all port-o-pots fair game for usage (construction sites, school yards,…berry fields)? Sometimes I wonder, but not long enough to stop me from using one in a pinch (no pun intended).

One can never be too prepared before entering.
I'm ashamed of this post.