Sunday, September 26, 2010

Honey Bucket...what a lie.

I can’t believe I am starting my blog up again with a post about port-o-pots. I can’t help it. I live near a bunch of berry fields sprinkled with bright blue pot-o-pots. Everywhere I look I see them, and as they say, “in sight, in mind” or is it, “out of sight, out of mind,” either way.

I hate port-o-pots just as much as the next person, but sometimes I also kind of love them. This is honestly a love- hate (mostly hate) relationship and here’s why:

Hate reason #1: They always smell like rotting colon. Even the blue disinfectant seems to amplify the stench.

Hate reason #2: People always forget to move the little slider on the door to ‘occupied’ when they are ‘occupying them’ and I always seem to be the idiot who opens the door on these unsuspecting people. What I hate the most, though, is that I immediately apologize to them every time, taking total responsibility for their lack of attention to detail.

Hate reason #3: I was the victim of a terrible port-o-pot prank at the emotionally-tender age of 13. Sorry, I can’t go into detail…doctor’s orders.

Hate reason #4: I suffer from a mild case of claustrophobia (probably due to hate reason #3), and if you haven’t noticed, one can barely turn around inside the standard-sized port-o-pot.

Hate reason #5: Flies.

Hate reason #6: The stuff that comes out of people is gross and, try as I might to avoid looking directly into “the pot”, I can’t resist a quick glance, sometimes even a gaze! I don’t know why I do this, but I think it may be due to an irrational fear that if I don’t, something or someone might grab me from out of the poopy-blue murk below and pull me in or (and this is gross) jump straight into my butt hole.

With those reasons being said, I also love the port-o-pot, but for only one reason and one reason alone: because when you gotta go, you gotta go! And, the urgency of this fact can easily negate any and all hate reasons to not use it… plain and simple.

A little advice to my fellow female runners out there: If you avoid fun runs, races, and other activities where port-o-pots are the only facilities available, look for “all girl” events (no offense, boys). I ran in the You Go Girl 10K today and even at the end of the race the port-o-pots were impressively clean.

A question: Are all port-o-pots fair game for usage (construction sites, school yards,…berry fields)? Sometimes I wonder, but not long enough to stop me from using one in a pinch (no pun intended).

One can never be too prepared before entering.
I'm ashamed of this post.


  1. Nice to see you posting again, even if you're posting about port-o-pots! What is up with the "Honey Bucket"? I've never seen that before! :)

  2. Sadly, I must admit I am guilty of Hate #2 today...though in my defense, I DID move the slider over. Apparently, not far enough. Fortunately, it was my friend who opened the door. My mom on the other hand, wasn't so fortunate. But hey, that's what memories are made from, right?

  3. Karen, I have a feeling those sliders aren't made of the highest quality plastic and probably don't always function properly. :(

    It was so fun seeing you today!

  4. I just had a friend ask on facebook if runners really need to pee themselves during a race. Thought this blog was funny timing. I know of people competing that won't stop to use the bathroom, but I'm not sure I could ever bring myself to that. I'm so thankful for port-a-potties!

  5. HYSTERICAL!!!!! What a terrific way to begin my day. SEe ya tonght!!