Cool it. You're NOT Ryan Hall!

I like to run and I love races (fun runs, road races, foot races, whatever you want to call them), but I am not what I would consider a very serious runner and under most circumstances, I am not really competitive with anyone other than myself. Maybe that is why I am so annoyed by the "totally serious" runner. You may know this guy! He elbows his way in front of you to get a little closer to the start of a 5K, dressed from head to toe in hi-tech running garb, ornamented with all the latest gadgets and enough power gel to fuel a small child for a week. As soon as he wiggles himself comfortably into his starting spot, he begins his stretching routine (rubbing everyone around him the wrong way, literally). After displaying both his flexibility and the fact that his running shorts are six inches too small, he begins to tell everyone around him about all his past races and corresponding finish times (this, btw, is my biggest pet peeve, ever!). Next, he eats a banana, informing you of all the places he has stashed bananas throughout the race course, going on to explain the importance of potassium in the process of a muscle contraction. Yawn! And, if there is enough time, he will also list off all the songs he has recently downloaded to his ipod, ranking them in the order of his favorites. The "totally serious" runner is so annoying to me! More annoying than the other guy standing next to me wearing hi-top basketball shoes, torn-off blue jeans and a turquoise blazer. For some reason, this guy doesn't bother me at all, even though he is already sweating profusely and is constantly asking me, "how much time do we have?" "Totally serious" runner, please explain yourself! I want to understand you, maybe even like you someday. But, as of now, all I can think about is the pleasure and utter enjoyment I would feel if I were to trip you the second the gun fires.

.........................Champion runner, Ryan Hall........................